I used to dream about what it would be like to be next to you… Would your breath be warm and soft, or harsh and full of air grasping? Would your whispers be calm and loving, or would they hardly make a sound in the darkness? Would your heartbeat be too fast and hesitant, or would it dance to a slower waltz that I could follow? I wondered if your arms would be at your side, or would they invite the warmth of my curious touch? I wondered if your body would lay there next to me, or would it find its way to fit in my broken pieces? *** I used to think about what it would be like to trust my heart in your hands… Truthfully I will admit, the warmth of your arms that cradle and hold, I found myself wanting to be in your proximity. Hesitantly I stole glances, to watch your chest elevate itself, as you sleep, I found myself syncing my lungs with your exhales. Lovingly I cherish you, the spontaneous moments we shared as one, I found myself appreciating you as you are. *** I used to
They say you bleed to feel human.
But what does it mean when you can’t feel yourself
bleed?
The bitter iron taste that attempts to break itself
from my lips,
I wipe away with nervous fingers.
For each nervous thought,
I find myself wearing down mountains,
making canyons.
Splits and cracks form eventual uneven craters.
It’s as if I’m trying to erase you.
Erase the memory of your taste,
your words…
In the back of my mind I hear your knocking,
I keep my eye to the peephole
as if to check if it’s you.
Curiosity bites back,
stronger in the winter months,
hidden by the wind.
You discarded my memory,
I hav
The feeling when everything from the upper part of your body suddenly drops to the floor and you feel the rising lump in your throat?
I haven’t had that feeling in a long time.
Well, that’s a lie.
I still have that feeling, but it is no longer about you.
The way I hear your name now means nothing except how it used to mean everything. But it’s another thing entirely when I stumble upon your presence when it’s not just an abstract name in reality. Instead, the lump is swallowed before I give it a chance to grow its cancerous nodule.
I used to think that I wouldn’t ever get to this part of my life where I
In times where candles illuminate shadows,
darkest night just the same,
figures dance along empty
chairs with passionate enthusiasm.
Light finds home in spectator eyes, in reflective
woods, warmth that consumes the heart of every
presence.
Gentle spirits accompany those in unmatched
synchronicity,
progressing in flow even in the darkness of timbres.
Times change with artificial warmth,
a solemn brightness,
magic shared across centuries of new and old;
forever home.
Back and forth,
a swing that takes each
turn like a slow
breath.
The wind on the whisper’s
edge. Silent exhales,
profound inhales. Forgotten
sorrows contain no
identity. Just the sole
misery of their passing,
hushed by poor and weakened
sighs.
Back and forth,
a mounted
clock
ticks the same
second again.
And again.
Unknown, the time, but moments
still filled in, waiting
for something to change.
Every new second, my mind
races, my heart
dropping
further into my body’s
abyss.
Back and forth,
the ocean swells. It awaits
for my involuntary
sacrifice. As my blood
drips, the salt finds its
home in a new
ocean.
A differen
She finds herself in the middle of life. Obviously, she isn’t at the end of her life. Nor is she in the beginning. Instead, she feels stuck in the middle. The middle is a horrible place, she says. Where she can breathe in, but can only cough when she tries to exhale. Almost as if the bitter taste of carbon monoxide is apparent in her body. The oxygen has a sweetness, she tells me. A sweetness that you can only imagine after having that calming effect after eating your favorite candy. Mine is a chocolate truffle, she says. The cough ruins it for her. The bitterness is what she hates breathing out. But she knows she can’